For 30 years, I delivered. Like clockwork. Like Karl Malone. Then I was asked to stop.
I was reliable. Like a Maytag appliance.Then I was discontinued.
I was loyal. Like an old dog. Then...you get the picture.
Results don't grow on trees, but apparently people do, so I was replaced. Tough luck, but not the end of the world either. At least not yet.
So now I still deliver. Like clockwork. Like Karl Malone. That's right...I'm a mailman. Neither rain, nor snow etc. etc... so I'm also still reliable. Someone determined that I'm actually an old dog, so the loyalty thing is covered too. But I really deliver. I'm not just about the mail, I deliver parcels too. Like Doug Heffernan in King of Queens.
But it's not enough.
When I'm done delivering like Karl Malone and Doug Heffernan, I still deliver. Like Frank Martin in The Transporter. Or Hoke Colburn in Driving Miss Daisy. That's right...I'm an Uber driver too. After I deliver mail to people, I deliver people to places. Airports, bus stations, McDonald's. Check that tree...any people like that growing on there? If so, I can deliver them where they need to go.
Need a pizza? Call Domino's, not me. I don't deliver. At least not yet.